The spirit struggled against the ecoplasmic manacles, the weak flickers of ghostlight sparking against cold iron nearly invisible in the flashing red and blue lights of a dozen Eerie PD vehicles.
In the back of a waiting ambulance, wrapped in shock blankets and sipping from paper cups of hot, sweet tea, Marshall and Simon looked on. There was a cut running the length of Simon's face and disappearing into his hairline and one of Marshall's eyes was rapidly swelling shut. Beaten and bloodied, leaning against each other in a fog of post-adrenaline-rush exhaustion, they stayed to see justice done as Sergeant Knight read out the charges.
Besides, either Bert or Ernie was driving the ambulance and Marshall was almost sure neither of them had a licence.
"Violation," continued the Sergeant in his usual affectless monotone. "Noise disturbance in a designated quiet zone after ten pm, to whit, the screaming of a man in mortal terror, for the past eight nights."
"Murder has no concept of business hours!" shrieked the ghost. "Untimely death comes when it will!"
Officer Derek dutifully wrote this down. Knight didn't seem to notice the interruption.
"Violation: unsightly display of human remains in a public area, to whit, the sidewalk directly beneath the unsecured widow's walk from which you pushed your last five victims."
"And I would have gotten away with it, too!" the ghost screamed "If it weren't for you meddling kids!"
Simon gasped. Derek actually recoiled. Sergeant Knight's face was permanently locked on "stern", but now seemed to grow even sterner.
"You're already looking at a hefty fine, son," he said. "Littering, noise complaints; don't make this worse for yourself with unauthorised Scooby Doo references."
"...what?" said the ghost.
The Sergeant gestured to Officer Derek, who beamed with anticipation of increased responsibility in the workplace and pulled out a small handbook bound in human skin that shrieked when he touched it. He flicked through the well-worn pages until he found the one he needed, then cleared his throat.
"From town by-laws enacted in 1972, Civic Code 09-13-69 states: 'anyone caught committing a criminal act shall be entitled to reference Scooby Doo only if they are, at the time of the act, a regular human being posing as some sort of supernatural entity'."
Derek closed the book and returned it to the shirt pocket of his neatly-pressed uniform. It continued to scream.
"Huh?" said the ghost.
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