To whom it may concern

Farmer Ephraim Chambers pinched the bridge of his nose, fighting an oncoming headache and wondering if the farming community in Eerie had enough pull to get him out of a murder charge, should he decide to feed two of the local children to his prized Vampire Holsteins.

"I swear to you, lads," he said. "There's never been such a thing as the Lamb of Tartary, and even if there were, I still don't have any."

Marshall Teller pointed one accusing finger towards the sheep meadow, where Cloud Sheep bobbled back and forth in the light summer breeze.

"Then why are they growing out of the ground?" he demanded.

The farmer looked at him in amazement, and dawning pity.

"Son," he said. "They're not growing out of the ground. They're tethered so they won't fly away in a strong wing." He shook his head incredulously. "What are they teaching you in that school?"

"Brainwashing, mostly," said Marshall.

"Some poetry," added Simon. "Which is okay, but it'd be cool to learn about more than the sad stuff. Nothing about sheep that can fly."

"Unbelievable," said Farmer Chambers. He unlatched the heavy wooden gate that blocked the path leading up to the meadow. "Never heard of a Cloud Sheep, and at your ages. Where do you think balloons come from?"

The boys exchanged a glance.

"The mall?" hazarded Simon.

"Balloon factory," said Marshall.

If they'd been a little older, Farmer Chambers would have laughed in the face of their naivety. As it was, he merely swung the gate wide and gestured for them to follow as he strode up the muddy track to where the Cloud Sheep grazed.

He headed straight for Old Hindenburg, a ewe whose teenage rebellion against an insulting nickname had resulted in her becoming the most stoic of his flock. A curling length of metallic pink and blue ribbon stretched from her front right leg to a small lead weight half buried in the long grass.

Farmer Chambers lifted the Cloud Sheep, tilting her a little so the leash was more clearly visible.

"Wow," said Marshall.

"Wow," echoed Simon.

"And now you know," said the Farmer, setting Old Hindy back on all four legs. She drifted a little ways off and began to feed on a patch of flowering helium that grew wild in the meadow.

Marshall pulled a black and white composition book out of his backpack and began to scribble wildly.

"No Lamb of Tartary," he said as he wrote. "But living balloon animals are a thi-"

"Hey now," said the farmer. "I'm guessing you don't know this, but calling a Cloud Sheep a balloon animal is considered quite the insult."

He waited until Marshall looked up from his notebook, then held his gaze.

"Balloon animals are nasty, vicious things that serve the Sewer Clowns." He petted Old Hindenburg as he spoke. "Sometimes a Sewer Clown will steal scraps from the coat of a sleeping Cloud Sheep, twisting and warp it until it becomes a balloon animal, but the sheep themselves are innocent."

"Oh," said Marshall. "Sorry. I didn't know."

He scratched out a line of text, began writing down the correction, then froze.

"Sewer clowns," he said. "Balloon animals."

"Let me guess," said the farmer. "Your teachers didn't tell you about that one, either."

"No, they did," Simon put in. "It's something you learn in first grade though. Marshall didn't grow up here."

"They don't teach balloon-clown-animal-murder in New Jersey," said Marshall.

"Well, I'll be," said the farmer wonderingly, although he chose not to elaborate on what he might be.

"Thank you for teaching us about the Cloud Sheep," said Simon. "We're sorry for spying on your herd animals without your permission."

"It wouldn't be spying if you had permission," the farmer pointed out. "You might think on joining an after-school club where you can learn about the land and such. BF Skinner's still got the 666H club, don't it?"

He tapped a faded patch on the front of his overalls, and with a little imagination Marshall could see it might have been a six-leaf clover, the number six embroidered into each leaf.

"I think they got wiped out in a war with the Future Homemakers of America," said Simon. "I was in preschool, so I missed most of the fighting, but apparently it involved at least one blender and a lot of fingers."

"That's too bad," said Farmer Chambers. "I had a lot of good times back then, sowing fields with sulphur and the leftover gristle of the Harvest King." He sighed. "Times change, I suppose."

Marshall scowled.

"So Eerie's version of the 4H club knew that the Harvest King was going to get eaten?" he demanded.

Farmer Ephraim Chambers looked at him with kindly eyes.

"Son," he said. "We all get eaten, sooner or later."



Ongoing Verse: Trusted Associates Inc



Licensing, in which the Mayor hands out some bureaucracy

Light Pollution, in which there is a newcomer in town

Pressure Tactics, in which there are ravens

Food Hygiene, in which Simon stays after school and Melanie and Janet do the same

Maybe, Even, in which Tod has a dream

Belt Match, in which Algernon the Invincible saves the world

Exterior, Garden, Night, in which there is a camp out

Administrative, in which there is a new Things Incorporated product being tested

Inevitable, in which there are moles

Brand Loyalty, in which there are Sky Monsters

Stonewall, Mud Walls, in which Harley is a brutal negotiator

Persuasion Tactics, in which Marshall has an itinerary, and Simon is tired

Unsuitable Substitute, in which there are changelings

Greenery, in which there are hanging baskets

Growth Spurt, in which there are crysanthemums

Temper, Temper, in which Marshall has strong opinions about the World o' Stuff's stock of reading material

Well, in which there is fishing

Swimming Pool, in which there is marine life

Follow Through, in which there is a rag doll

Public Interest, in which Marshall is a concerned citizen

A Credible Threat, in which there is an embarrasment happening at the Eerie Mall

Timeloop, in which Circular Road lives up to it's name

Misdirection, in which Syndi is a tiny bit evil

Downturn, in which there is a Farmer's Market

Concessions, in which there is theatre

Capability, in which Marshall is determined

Euclid by froodle, in which we meet Mr. Daganfort

Construction, in which there are strange goings-on at the Eerie Cemetary

Tagged, in which there is graffiti

Uprising, in which there are zombies and the Bob brothers and one is worse than the other

Water Burial, in which Mr. Daganfort does some landscaping

A Greeting, in which something has a message for Eerie's groundskeeper

The Paper Witch, in which something would like a word with Sara Sue

Finish, in which there is wood stain

Corrective Lenses, in which Marshall takes eyecare into his own hands

Distractions, in which Marshall and Simon walk home after school

Class of '89, in which we visit Eerie Elementary

Infestation, in which there are pixies

BBQ, in which the Tellers build a bonfire

Dark Messiah, in which there are witches

Refurbish, in which there is dumpster diving

Guardian Spirit, in which Marshall and Simon visit the town dump

Staged, in which Harley is uncooperative

Festoon, in which it is October, and Marshall gets a fright

Trick or Treat?, in which there are teacakes

Display, in which Radford enters the spirit of the season

Haul, in which there are cupcakes

Halloween by froodle, in which Mars and Simon celebrate a Von Orloff-free All Hallows Eve

Fine Print, in which Simon and Marshall walk the shores of Lake Eerie

Corn Critters 7: Rise of the Super Crop, in which Marshall makes a grave miscalculation

Signals and Signifiers, in which the Eerie PD is baffling

Safety Checks, in which there are reindeers

Decorative, in which there is wildlife

Surveillance, in which the boys must pick their moment carefully

Robin, in which Simon is startled by the local birdlife

Animatronics, in which the boys go to the Eerie Mall

Concert, in which Eerie's canine population temporarily set aside their struggle in favour of a singalong

Visiting Santa, in which Simon and Marshall take Harley on a trip

Weaponised, in which Christmas is a-coming

Pantomime, in which the Tellers take in some traditional Christmas entertainment

Frost Spiders, in which Eerie's winter decorations are possibly a little too beautiful

Surprise by froodle, in which Mars tries to make sure Simon's birthday goes a little better this year

Informed Shopper, in which Simon contemplates a purchase

The Glade by froodle, in which Simon and Mars visit a place that only exists on February 29th

Mostly Void, Partially Stars, in which we see the Space Thing prior to it's arrival in Eerie

Parking, in which Marshall does not want to help with the yardwork

Road Trip, in which there are aliens

If You See Something, Say Something, in which Marshall is questioned by Sergeant Knight

Postal, in which there is gunfire, and letters

Drive, in which Edgar has a convertible, and is filled with fear

National Garlic Day, in which there are vampires

Stormfront, in which Simon and Marshall eat takeout

Confectionary, in which there is baking

Blue Apron, in which the Mayor contemplates expanding a town by-law

Egg Hunt by froodle, in which Simon and Mars partake of some traditional Easter activities

Truth in Advertising, in which Marshall has buyers remorse

Lost Sock Memorial Day, in which there is solemnity

Cooking Class, in which there is baking

Rubber Duck, in which there is a race

Blood Rain, in which it is Beltane

The Flower Beds, in which there is gardening

High Speed Sanitation, in which there is glitter, and garbage

Litterbug, in which Marshall gets even

For Charity, in which there's a bubble run

Rules of War, in which there is a water fight

Targeted Marketing, in which Syndi works a summer job

Spoiled for Choice, in which there is ice-cream

Ecosystem, in which there are mudsnakes

Municipal Maintenance, in which there is a fresh coat of paint

Lady in Red by froodle, in which Simon experiments on the old-fashioned radio in the Secret Spot, and horror ensues

Boardwalk by froodle, in which Simon and Mars are swayed by radio advertising

Fowl Deeds, in which there are ducks

Ducks on a Lake, in which there is Nick and Eddie

Grocery List, in which Marshall is a bad son

To Serve Birds (Right), in which Marshall and Harley have a bonding moment

Charitable, in which there is a pop-up shop and Marshall is suspicious

Dish of the Day, in which there is an old playground

Summer Vacation, in which fun in the sun requires some preparation

Foghorn, in which there is limited visability

Tour Group, in which costumes are worn and menus are hand-lettered

Upgrade, in which change is afoot at the Eerie Library

Hungry, in which the Mayor is unimpressed

Cheese, in which there is a continental market

Research, in which science requires sacrifice

Waiting In by froodle, in which there is an ice-storm and a handyman does not arrive

Seafoam by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the seaside

A Night at the Circus by froodle, in which a carnivale comes to town, and Marshall and Simon do not enjoy themselves

Taking a Break by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall enjoy some much-needed R&R

Vacant, in which there is a store front

Model Railway by froodle, in which a new business prepares to open in Eerie

Shoreline by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall investigate strange happenings on the shores of Lake Eerie

At the Seaside, in which there is a storm

In the Bleak Midwinter, in which there are goings-on at the lake

The Lake at Night, in which it is midnight

Precipice, in which there are seals

Parade by froodle, in which Mars takes issue with the Eerie Beekeepers Association's choice of mascot

Marketing, in which Eerie's honeybee population grow their brand

And Introducing... in which Dash X makes a powerful ally

Untouchable, in which much dismay is caused by Eerie's fauna

Drive In, in which there is a movie screening

Nature Study, in which there are dusk sprites

Homestead by froodle, in which Marshall finally gets something useful out of shop class

Hound by froodle, in which Simon makes a friend

Slyboots by froodle, in which a certain corporal of the infernal regions comes to Eerie. Crossover with Johannes Cabal the Necromancer.

Sugar Rush, in which there are baked goods

Usual Suspects, in which there are things in the duck pond, and nobody is surprised

Festival by froodle, in which Eerie's local businesses celebrate the summer

Strawberry by froodle, in which there is unauthorised hubbub in Eerie

Not Welcome, in which there are gremlins

Sundae, in which the World o' Stuff has a new menu item

Read the Sign, in which the City Council means it when it says no swimming

Shrubbery, in which there is greenery

Prohibited, in which there is dairy

World Chocolate Day, in which there is a heatwave

Wildlife by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the beach

Cookout, in which Marshall and Simon go camping

Facilities by froodle, in which the Eerie Bus Station and Supper Club has a problem with the men's toilet

Phonebooths, in which a call must get through

Anticipation by froodle, in which Simon and Harley look forward to the Equinox

Castle by froodle, in which there is unexpected architecture in Eerie

Budget Restraints, in which Simon and Marshall's disguises are somewhat lacklustre.

Concealment, in which there is a costume party

Party Guests, in which the costume party is attended

Dressed for the Occasion, in which Syndi needs help

Disaster Recovery, in which Marshall is a late bloomer

Art Lovers, in which Marshall has questions

Bag for Death, in which Radford is a born salesman

Observations, in which there is activity on Wolf Mountain

Prognostication Engine, in which horoscopes are frustratingly vague

Visitor in which Marshall's grandma comes to stay

Reading Room, in which Marshall infiltrates the Loyal Order of Corn

Crafting, in which Syndi graduates from college

The Hut by froodle, in which Simon takes on the forces of Eerie solo

They, in which Marshall leaves for college, and Simon is left behind

Milestone, in which Tod McNulty turns 21

Mail Theft, in which the Eerie Postal Service ups it's security

Neighbourly, in which Marshall does a good deed, possibly

Errands by froodle, in which Simon has a to-do list

Long Awaited, in which the Sorcerer's Bible finally makes an appearance

Rain Day, in which there is weather

Waterlogged by froodle, in which Eerie experiences heavy rainfall

Riverbank, in which there are kelpies

Househunting, in which there are realtors

Housekeeping, in which there is a cult, and things get awkward

Hostage, in which Syndi is the sister, not the sidekick

Realtors, in which there is househunting

Mixed Media Messages, in which there is mail

Replacement Service, in which Marshall visits the Eerie Bus Terminal and Supper Club

Presentation, in which Chisel has an edict, and Simon has a plan

The M-Word, in which the cone of shame must be used



Ongoing Verse: The Powers That Be



Preparations by froodle. Winston Chisel, the morning he became Mayor.

Confluence, in which Eerie experiences a midsummer and a full moon and takes full advantage of both

Harvest, in which it is 1979, and the Harvest Moon is rising

Hungry, in which the Mayor is unimpressed

Licensing, in which Chisel lays down some bureaucracy

Light Pollution, in which there is a newcomer in town

The Storm, in which Mayor Chisel has a very specific job for Eerie's resident weatherman

Not Welcome, in which there is an intruder at the World o' Stuff

Reading Room, in which Marshall looks around

Subsidence, in which the Loya Order of Corn experiances some structural issues

Shattered Dreams, in which there are space whales

Greenery, in which there are hanging baskets

Loss Prevention, in which there is hubbub at the Eerie Mall

Targeted Marketing, in which Radford has some promotional material

Capability, in which the are Bigfoots, and Marshall is unwell

The Listener, in which Eerie dreams, and Melanie watches

Populace, in which it is just another normal day

Still, in which there are worst things than Old Bob

Clockface, in which there is an early start, and a character death

CAT, in which two members of the Canine Liberation Army go on patrol, and have an unpleasant experience

Blue Apron, in which Mayor Chisxel considers an expansion to the town by-laws

National Garlic Day, in which there are vampires, and restauranteurs, and conflict

Housekeeping, in which there is a cult, and things get awkward

Strawberry, in which Eerie celebrates the summer

High Speed Sanitation, in which there is a street race

World Chocolate Day, in which there is a heatwave

Pressure Tactics, in which Chisel faces off against Eerie's ravens

Upgrade, in which there are changes happening at the Eerie Library

Waterlogged, in which there is a problem with the Eerie water supply

Bag for Death, in which Radford is a born salesman, and Radford is learning

Eww... in which Simon makes bad choices

Public Spaces, in which there is a soiree

Deterrent, in which there are pigeon spikes

The Bad News List, in which Dash is himself

Leisurewear, in which the Loyal Order of Corn has a surprisingly generous leave policy

Jackolantern, in which there is a disturbance at the local pumpkin patch

Pest Control, in which the Mayor is an unhappy customer

Frost Spiders, in which Eerie's Christmas decorations are very beautiful

Freelancing, in which Sara Sue takes a consultancy gig

Presentation, in which Chisel has an edict, and Simon has a plan

Email, in which Marshall is 29 and Eerie is never as far away as you think

Agenda, in which the Mayor takes a meeting

Visitor, in which Marshall's grandmother comes to stay