To whom it may concern

The Eerie Summer Festival in the Park was in full swing. Brightly-coloured construction paper chains festooned the trees courtesy of Eerie Elementary graduation class, who had been allowed to skip their usual Civic Pride and Human Sacrifice classes for the week in order to decorate for the festivities. The Unkind Ones were manning the hog roast and the three-rows-deep collection of industrial-sized barbeques.

A slumbering rock-dragon who dreamed away the ages beneath the sandy soil near the ornamental lake had been partially unearthed, and baked potatoes and corn on the cob were wrapped in foil and keeping warm on its scaly sides. At a nearby table, the ForeverWare ladies were serving up portions of chilli that pre-dated Regan’s presidency.

ChimpBee was there, cavorting in a black and yellow striped tutu and matching platform heels and surrounded as ever by an angry swarm of murderous, soul-stealing bees. The Ladies Committee for the Beautification of Eerie were demonstrating flower arranging techniques, with a particular focus on subduing the larger and more carnivorous varieties of plant life. A visibly nervous Officer Derek stood between the two groups, alert for any signs of violence.

The Eerie Dairy had set up a small milk-themed Ferris wheel, in which children could ride in giant tubs of cottage cheese, or balance precariously atop melting ice-cream cones, or stand upright in cartons depicting their own terrified faces on the side. Two ambulances were parked a short distance away, the paramedics inside armed with shopping lists of body parts from the surgery team at Eerie General. Beneath the slowly-rotating carriages, Mister Lodgepoole scoured the grass for dropped objects like a videogame character brought to elderly, cantankerous life.

Mister Chaney was halfway through his third helping of ribs and showed no sign of stopping. Every now and then he would turn and cast a speculative eye over the seven white calves penned nearby, wreathed in summer flowers and with gold paint on their nascent horns. Mayor Chisel, making an inspection tour to check everyone’s Hubbub licenses were in order, dispatched Officer Knight to stand guard until after the ritualistic sacrifice.

Everything Corn had contributed the centrepiece of the picnic table, a seven-layer cornbread cake decorated in cornstarch figures depicting seminal events in Eerie’s history. Most of these events seemed to revolve around corn. There were buttermilk rolls and wild-garlic naan from the Giants Granary, which had finally passed a health inspection after explaining that the ground bones of human beings was used to fertilize the ground in which they grew their crops, and there was no actual bone meal in the finished product.

Poplio was absent, having been summoned to serve in some incomprehensible war beyond the known limits of time and space. His dread throne of screaming human souls stood empty on a patch of dead grass and the Eerie Fire Department had encircled it with a small moat filled with chicken blood, just in case he returned early and felt slighted. In his absence, the gaunt and hollow-eyed employees of the Eerie Multiplex shuffled hither and thither amongst the crowd, handing out small gift-bags filled with popcorn and madness.

Simon eyed the sample platter from the Eerie Baitshop and Sushi Bar. He tugged the little packet of wasabi away from the questing reach of varicoloured tentacles, set the paper plate down gently at the edge of the model boating lake, and used the wooden chopsticks to nudge the wriggling array of California rolls onto the sand.

A few minutes later, there was a splash and a scream from onlookers as a tiny but perfectly formed kraken took down the winner of last year’s Model Yacht Basin Regatta. Simon put his hands over his mouth. Harley tossed his half-eaten corndog into the churning water and gave his big brother the double thumbs up, grinning all over his face. Simon took his arm and together they walked quickly away, while behind them the Eerie Baitshop and Sushi Bar’s Summer Special reduced Eerie’s model armada to so many matchsticks.

Twenty-four hours and a bad case of sunstroke later, Marilyn Teller was applying a layer of sunscreen to the back of Harley’s neck while Simon gingerly coated himself in aloe-scented after-sun and sipped homemade lemonade in the Teller’s backyard. Marilyn recapped the bottle, wiped the sticky lotion off her fingers and onto her jeans, and paused a lecture on the dangers of too much sun exposure to ask:

“Did you boys at least have fun?”

Harley twisted on her lap to beam up at her.

“Yes,” he said, smiling wide enough to show all his teeth.






Holmes Brothers

The End by froodle, in which Simon reads Harley a bedtime story

Drains by froodle, in which clowns are evil, murderous sacks of shit, and Simon is having none of it

Kaleidoscope by froodle, in which Simon has cause to regret buying cheap toys at the World o' Stuff

Sneakers by froodle, in which the latest Sky Monsters are released

Reception by froodle, in which Simon has problems with his mobile phone





Trusted Associates, Inc.

Halloween by froodle, in which Mars and Simon celebrate a Von Orloff-free All Hallows Eve

Surprise by froodle, in which Mars tries to make sure Simon's birthday goes a little better this year

The Glade by froodle, in which Simon and Mars visit a place that only exists on February 29th

Egg Hunt by froodle, in which Simon and Mars partake of some traditional Easter activities

Boardwalk by froodle, in which Simon and Mars are swayed by radio advertising

Lady in Red by froodle, in which Simon experiments on the old-fashioned radio in the Secret Spot, and horror ensues

Seafoam by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the seaside

A Night at the Circus by froodle, in which a carnivale comes to town, and Marshall and Simon do not enjoy themselves

Taking a Break by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall enjoy some much-needed R&R

Shoreline by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall investigate strange happenings on the shores of Lake Eerie

Parade by froodle, in which Mars takes issue with the Eerie Beekeepers Association's choice of mascot

Homestead by froodle, in which Marshall finally gets something useful out of shop class

Hound by froodle, in which Simon makes a friend

Errands by froodle, in which Simon has a to-do list

Slyboots by froodle, in which a certain corporal of the infernal regions comes to Eerie. Crossover with Johannes Cabal the Necromancer.

Waterlogged by froodle, in which Eerie experiences heavy rainfall

Visitor in which Marshall's grandma comes to stay